Are you Self-Sabotaging?

Posted by: Jo Banks

Date: 08-05-2013

Have you ever thought that you may be sabotaging your own goals? You get so far with something and then do or say something and it all falls apart?

I don’t think there’s anyone alive who hasn’t. Sometimes clients will tell me that they know that they are self-sabotaging but really don’t know why.

I like to describe self-sabotage as misguided self-love. If you self-sabotage, there is some part of you (usually deep in your subconscious) that is in conflict with what you are trying to consciously achieve. Your subconscious is activity protecting you from something that it perceives to be harmful or not in your best interest.

How do you overcome self-sabotage?

Firstly, look at your goals. Are they really authentic goals, something that you really want, or are they something that you think you should have? Are they your goals or the goals of your parents, spouse, and friends? What you may find when you dig deep is that there is a conflict between what you think you want (or what you think you should want) and what you really want. If that’s the case, no matter how hard you try to achieve your goal, your sub-conscious will go about ensuring that it doesn’t happen!

If you are happy that your goal is authentic but you still find yourself sabotaging your efforts, it could be that what you desire is in direct conflict to what you actually think that you can achieve. This conflict will be enough for your subconscious to actively go about sabotaging your efforts this can also be true if you think that you aren’t worthy of your goal.

I particularly notice this when it comes to the area of money – clients want more money, but often have negative associations to money and therefore either self-sabotage themselves on the way to getting more or actually become wealthy then lose it all through self-sabotage.  This is usually due to having unresolved money issues from childhood where they may have heard things like ‘only bad people make money’, ‘money is the root of all evil’, 'money doesn't grow on trees'.  It’s no wonder that we self-sabotage when we are running old programs in our subconscious.

Another common conflict is in the area of a new job or promotion. Many people dearly want to move up the ladder and gain a coveted promotion yet they mess up the interview (even when they’ve done all the preparation humanly possible). When this happens, I ask some particular probing questions and usually uncover that the client doesn’t actually believe that they can get or do the job or feel that they are somehow unworthy of it! Recognising and removing those conflicts can often result in clients achieving their goals more quickly thatn they could have imagined.

What we have to remember is that there is a reason for everything we do, whether we realise it or not and most of our actions are driven by our subconscious. Therefore, the next time you find yourself self-sabotaging, ask yourself some empowering questions such as:

  • “Why did I do that?”
  • “What’s the meaning/message in this”
  • “What is REALLY stopping me?”
  • “What is really REALLY stopping me?” (sometimes asking this question twice gets a different answer the second time!)
  • “What can I do about it?”
  • “Is this the right goal for me, at this time?”

By continually asking yourself probing, quality questions to will be able to uncover what is really stopping you, which will enable you to do something about it.

Often, the mere fact that you’ve recognised what it is, is enough to facilitate a change. If you recognise that you may be self sabotaging, get in touch for a free, no obligation consutlation to discuss how we can help.

JO's FIRST BOOK: Thoughts Become Things

Visit the website for Jo Banks' first book, Thoughts Become Things now available in paperback and Kindle formats.