Posted by: Jo Banks
The differences between male and female body language when it comes to attraction and what it means...
On my previous blogsite (before I incoporated my blog into my website) this has been by far the most read post, with over 5,000 hits!), so it's obviously something that my readers are interested in!
If you’ve read the other 3 posts I’ve written in this Body Language series you’ll know that no matter how far we like to think we’ve come in terms of equality between men and women, one thing that is still worlds apart and is not going to change anytime soon, is our subconscious body language. These are ‘animal’ instincts and unless we are completely aware of what our bodies are doing, we have very little control over them. Most of the behaviours and poses I’ve talked about in all of these posts are instinctive/natural reactions that we aren’t necessarily conscious of.
In terms of body language and attraction, it is really important that we are conscious of our own body language (in other words the ‘signals’ we are giving off) so as not to offend the other person or give them the wrong idea. For example what a man may think is a perfectly reasonable pose, may in fact be quite offensive to a woman or what a woman may think is being ‘friendly’ may be interpreted as a ‘come on’ by a male.
The easiest way for me to explain the differences is to split the behaviours in to two; male and female attraction traits:
On spotting someone she fancies:
Before you get all feminist on me for the last point, remember, our human subconscious behaviour hasn’t yet caught up with our minds and these movements are usually entirely without our realising that we’re doing them.
On spotting someone he fancies:
I once had a business meeting with a man who sat opposite me doing a full crotch display with his arms out stretched on the chairs either side of him. That just screamed, “COME AND GET ME” and actually downright rude in a business (or pretty much any) situation and made me feel really uncomfortable - he obviously wasn't reading my body language (arms crossed/legs cross, perched awkwardly on the edge of my seat). Guys, you need to be careful with this pose, you may want to tone it down a touch – at least drop the widespread arms! Men also use this posture when they’re together in a group – it’s a display of manhood ie ‘mine’s bigger than yours’!
Touching is interesting for both male/female – if someone fancies the other person, they will tend to touch them fleetingly and enter the other persons Outer (or even the Inner) Personal Zone (see the post No 1 in this series for more information regarding zones). Therefore, it’s important to know that if you are a generally ‘touchy feely’ or demonstrative person, others can and will read things into your touching them ie they will most likely think that you find them attractive.
Going back to post No 3 - Building Rapport, if you really want someone to fall for you, you need to get in ‘rapport’ with them as soon as possible so as soon as you are in a conversation with them, start to do some subtle mirroring. Take is slowly at first (so that don’t notice and think you’re acting oddly), when she picks up her glass, you pick up yours, when she crosses her legs, you cross yours. Although, if there is real chemistry between you, you’ll notice that you are mirroring each other subconsciously anyway!
Here’s some recommended reading if you want to know more about body language:
If you'd like help understanding the impact of your body language or would like to feel more confident in social situations, contact us for a free, no obligation consultation on how we can help you.
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