Posted by: Jo Banks
One question that I hear again and again from clients, colleagues, friends and family when their facing difficult challenges is “Why me?”...
That’s got to be the million dollar question and one that I’ve spent a lot of my time pondering... Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to say that I’ve had more than my fair share of adversity in my life, so much so that friends have actually said to me, “How can you possibly come back after this?” “How do you manage to keep getting back up every time you receive such a massive (metaphorical) slap?” Even my dad said to me albeit jokingly, “You must have been very bad in previous life!” ... and we're Christians!
My conclusion is that no matter how hard the situation seems at the time, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. If my life hadn’t been (what feels like) a continuous succession of challenging scenarios I wouldn’t have been hell bent on finding solutions. Each time a challenge arises, I set off trying to find a solution whether it be reading a particularly book (I’ve read hundreds of self development books over the years and still make it my aim to read at least one a month), I’ve become an NLP master practitioner, I’ve learnt EFT and CBT, advanced coaching skills, I’ve trained with some of the world’s best coaches and I’ve attended dozens of seminars, talks and workshops. The result, not only has all that helped me manage my own challenges but it’s also led me to help hundreds – thousands if you count my blog readership – manage their challenges too.
Without those countless trials and tribulations, I would have had no need to continuously search for solutions, finding new techniques and approaches which not only have helped me, but I've been able to pass the best of them on to my clients and readers.
I was having a coaching session recently with the well known American EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) coach, Brad Yates, and I asked him the “Why Me?” question about why so much seemingly negative stuff can happen to one person. His reply, “How can you help people if you’ve never been through anything? How can you be a good coach if you’ve never lived with adversity? ... You can’t - you simply wouldn’t be credible!”
That said it is incredibly difficult to see the good when you’re in the midst of a difficult and challenging situation. It’s often only months or even years after that you see the lesson that you needed to learn from that challenge. Therefore, I also believe that life is a series of lessons and that if we don’t learn the lesson it keeps on knocking until heed it and change something.
Here are two techniques that you may find useful whenever you're going or have just gone through a challenging time:
Look back on some of the challenges that you’ve had over the years – step away from them as if you’re watching them on a movie screen (so that you’re not too associated with them) – can you see the lesson you needed to learn? There will be one if you look hard enough.
Have you had the same situation happen a number of times? If so, what lesson were you supposed to learn? Make sure you take that learning and apply it to the next time a similar situation arises ... because it will keep recurring until you learn that lesson.
The next time you’re facing a challenging situation, rather than asking disempowering questions such as, "why me?" ask yourself “What’s the lesson I need to learn here?” "How can I use this to my advantage?" "What can I do to get through this?". Asking empowering questions will help move you out of learned helplessness and into action/results much more quickly.
If you are going through a particularly challenging time and would like to have a free, no obligation consultant about how we can help you, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Visit the website for Jo Banks' first book, Thoughts Become Things now available in paperback and Kindle formats.